Flying Monkeys and other assorted sightings

Ever had you leg removed for repairs?

This is not exactly what has been going on in my life recently, but is close. As has been reported in previous ramblings, I have been stumbling along with a rather painful hip injury that, until about a week ago, no one could adequately diagnose. But since they did know that my hip was making rather nasty popping sounds, the surgeon was reasonably confident that the cause of my pain could be found. It was, therefore, necessary to expose the inner workings of my hip to inspection.

Uh, what?

She continued. She lightly and confidently proposed that she could fix the popping in my hip while at the same time repair "whatever else should turn up."

Can I get off now?

Moreover, it would be necessary to wake me up during the surgery to get me to flex my leg muscles in order to make sure everything was working right.

Check, please!

Ok. So now she is standing in front of me with the consent forms. At this point I should have been hobbling madly (running was, sadly, impossible) away from her in the grip of the panic that had been hovering nearby, but instead found myself in a dream-like euphoria which rendered me completely unable to do anything other than sign my life and leg into her care.

Strangely enough, I survived the procedure with my leg still attached, and it seems I can still move my toes, if not much else. So as to not alarm anyone, this is apparently normal, or so I'm told through the haze of the Darvocet. I was also told that the reason that I have a much larger incision was that they needed to move pretty much my entire thigh muscle group up and out of the way.

That's gonna leave a mark.

My thigh, it seems, is a bit more "developed" that is the norm for men my age and weight. Somebody must have failed to mention that auto mechanics tend to encounter heavy bits of machinery on a fairly regular basis. Hence, big leg muscles. So, therefore, in order to get to the bits they needed to repair, they had to use "a large metal retractor". Last time I checked, this is the scientific name for "crow bar".

So here's the scene: I am lying on the operating table while the surgical assistant has a crow bar in my thigh muscle to hold it up and out of the way of the surgeon who then does her repair work on the popping hip. She then directs the anesthesiologist to wake me up so I can move said muscles, complete with said crow bar still inserted, thereby allowing her to check her work.

I think I'm going to need more than a couple of aspirin.

She found and fixed the other problem. I won't go into the medical details because I didn't understand what all she said. Pain meds are funny that way. She assured me that all the extra work was necessary because I had somehow managed to hurt myself in a way that nobody had thought of before, and that even though it was new and therefore took additional time, it was routine and should last the remainder of the warranty period.

Boy, I wish I could use that one on my automotive customers.

Anyway, I can only thank G-d for guiding her hand though what turned out to be a totally unexpected and excitingly routine surgery. I am assured that recovery will only take a year or so. This will allow G-d to finish the healing begun in the operating room under His guidance.

I had been nervous about this, due in part to not knowing precisely what would be found in there once they got me opened up. It takes faith in G-d to take on the unknown for all of us. I have spoken on this many times, but when it comes down to actually experiencing it, faith tends to become a little harder to maintain, something I was reminded of the day of the surgery by my wife who is an ordained minister. It only took a small nudge of the Divine Pine though her to get me back on track, and I am better, both physically and spiritually, for it.

Also, I thank G-d for all the people who came to see me and help me through what was a difficult time. All joking aside, I am truly grateful.

I would like to have the crow bar they used, though!

God Bless!