Impasse

This injury has bound me...

As treatment continues, I am forced to consider life post injury, and I find the task daunting. I look to G-d, who has given me this faith that all will turn out as it should, but am forced to wonder: "How?"

(Insert appropriate crackle of distant thunder here)

My wife looks to me for answers, but I find I have only one, and, at least for her, it is insufficient. Is this how G-d tests his children?

How do I respond? Anger? Resentment? Impassiveness?

What?!!?!

Let us explore the possibilities...

I could become angry, raising my fist to an unfair G-d. He would then remind me that there are those for whom life has been even less fair, and then go on to point out that "fair" was never part of the agreement. After all, it is not in this life that we should look for reward, but in the life to come. When the apostle Peter had gotten angry about fairness regarding his relationship with Jesus as compared to that of John, he was reminded that he did not need to worry about it. Jesus had ordained certain things for Peter, little of it easy, and likewise had done so for John. As has been documented, Peter did not go to meet Jesus resting in a combo bed at the local Hilton.

I really do think my life is a bit more "fair" than that. So much for anger.

But I find myself dealing with resentment. Why does G-d make me wait? What is he preparing me for? Is this all that there is to my life?

We return now to the life of the apostle John.

John lived a LOOOOONG time. It was during these years that the early church had its greatest struggles. Anybody living through these times would be greeted with great adversity. John not only had to endure in these times, he also had the tast of supporting those who were growing up around him, people who had never seen Christ. When G-d finally did get back to John, he was an old man living on Patmos. Was his the life of a dignified old gentleman living out his fast fading years in the lap of retirement luxury? Ah, no. Exile to labor on Patmos is not exactly Miami in the springtime. But it was here, on Patmos (not Miami) was where G-d got back to John. Big time.

The Thunder Rolls...

OK, so I will wait. After all, my life is a WHOLE lot better than what John had to deal with on Patmos (or pretty much anywhere else he may have lived). So much for Frustration.

So I wait. Impassively.

Wrong answer. Again.

As has been demonstrated rather bluntly to Jonah, trying to circumvent
G-d by doing anything (or nothing) else has the effect of trading
G-d's attention in comfort for G-d's attention in, shall we say, less than comfortable surroundings. Jonah found the notion of living in the belly of a whale rather nasty. I myself have often refered to "The 2x4 Effect" in
G-d's dealings with me. So this time, as I lay in all my passive agressive glory impassively doing as little as possible to show my ability to withstand any and all suggestions from G-d to duck, (thunder) the rather large and fast moving piece of Heavenly lumber rapidly closing on my wooden head will, when it does eventually connect, knock me into the middle of G-d's presence as well as the middle of next week. This is invariably what happens. So, rather than have to deal with such attention as well as the Heavenly Lump, I am actively exploring whatever G-d would have me to do and/or say. This approach does not exclude the possibility that The Divine Pine will not be applied for other reasons; only that it will not be used to get me off my angry, resentful, impassive butt.

Miami, anyone?